Child is about 11-16
During this time, the kid should have been trained about doing things right. The next step is to teach the child to practice decision making.
These years are critical because the child is confuse whether they are still a child or an adolescent already. They don’t know how and what to act and what to choose.
To begin with: try the following
1. By this time your child would be choosy on what to wear/ haircut/shoes. Just allow them.
Observe how they make their picks. Their choices could be weird, but don’t object yet. It may just be the fad. Allow them to express themselves, except of course if the choices becomes too glaring and really out of this world. Talk to them gently and explain why you object.
2. During this time, your child’s needs and wants would be different. If before, you have strict control over them in everything, now, you need to loosen up a little bit. You may now allow them to go to parties unchaperoned, of course with curfew still. Go out with their friends, whom you approve of course.
I remember my sons were so close to me not to their father until they were 10 years old. But when they reached age 11, they begin to be close to their father because they felt their father was more understanding to their needs and had been giving them a little bit of independence. They soon would ask permissions from their father and not from me anymore. Before, my son would ask me to comb their hair. Now it’s a no no to touch their hair.
What I’m trying to say is, we must adjust to the needs of our kids as they grow older. We cannot impose the same parental style from start to end.
3. As long as your kids are not doing anything wrong, not sinning against God, not neglecting their studies, respectful to their parents and other people, it’s ok. You must accept the fact that your kids are growing up.
At this time, little by little, we must allow our kids to learn decision making. Simple decision like hair cut, clothes to buy, shoes, study habits and buying other personal things. Even if they don’t conform to our taste, let’s support their decision. Example, your son bought a T-shirt you don’t quite agree and your son was so proud showing it to you. PLease don’t brush aside his joy and satisfaction. Share your son’s happiness by saying ” son, you made a good decision, good job”.
Our children’s confidence are build-up when we the parents always support whatever decision they make. No ifs and buts. ” Yes, child what a good decision”. I know not everyone who reads this will agree. As what i have been saying, as long as they are not sinning against God.
I remember my son had a haircut when he was 14, that I was somewhat not comfortable, but when I saw how happy he was with his decision, I didn’t have the heart to disagree. I responded as happy as he was. After two months, my son finally came to his senses, suddenly he changed his hairstyle for the better. And I asked him why the sudden change, his reply was “ Mom, I realized the style doen’t suit me. And then I told him, ” yah! you made a good decision again, this style is much more better” .
Get what I mean? let us allow our kids to decide for themselves, to learn from their mistakes and correct it themselves. As long as their decision is not about doing IMMORAL THINGS. Based on experience, lessons learned from our own doing is harder to forget. Let them feel the satisfaction and fullfilment of discovering the right decision for themselves. Let’s not steal the thunder from our children, our time has passed, it is now their time to shine.
Such build-up of confidence will lead them to develop decision making skills. If they have already the skills/confidence, they won’t shy away from accepting bigger responsibilites.
When they become adults and join the corporate or business world, they are now ready and equip with the essentials of a good leader or manager. We must prepare them for the challenges of the world as we cannot be here with them forever.
4. Continuous guidance is a must. You must be always on the look out, but never invasive of their privacy. If you feel that there’s a need to talk about something, tell your child in secret like “ son, I feel that you are having a difficult time with your friend so and so, do you want to talk about it?” Ask your child if he/she wants to discuss something with you. Just tell them that you’re always there for them, if they need help they can just approach you.
5. If we are imposing respect from our children, we must also give them the proper respect that they deserve. By now, we must be a supportive parent instead of a bossy one. We must now allow them to find their niche, their strength and weaknesses.
6. Let’s support our children what they want to be when they go to college. Let’s discover their passion where they would excel and find fulfillment. Let’s help them reach their full potential even if what they want is the least of our options. If their chosen field is not suitable to their personality, we may discuss it with them or if still they insist we must help them develop the strength they need to help them achieve their dreams.
7. Always give your children rules to follow. Rules suitable to their age. Without rules everything will be in chaos. Discuss about rules on parties, curfew and friends. It”s a no no for my sons to smoke and drink. I just don’t know about you.
8. Lastly, encourge and support your children to join extra-curricular activities in school, church and community. They need to interact with all sectors of the society. They need to know how other people are living -the poor and the rich. Through these exposures, they would realize the blessings that they have, learn compassion and help those with less in life, and aspire to improve more.
TEACH YOU CHILDREN THE FEAR OF GOD AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FOLLOW.
