Advice About Wives

Let’s read as what the bibile says about the role of a wife==: Gal 5:22 Wives should submit to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as to Christ is the head of the Church.

FOR THE HUSBAND, THE BEST GIFT A WIFE CAN GIVE HIM IS RESPECT.

As I recall in the early years of my married life. My husband is a good man. He loves me very much. I could feel his care and affection towards me. Suddenly, I noticed that he started to be colder and colder in his dealings with me. I just don’t know why.

As we were attending our weekly bible studies, we came across this bible truth about submission. We were told about the importance of RESPECT in a husband’s self esteem. God appointed the man to be the head of the family. God is really smart to give this principle as He knows that without order and hierarchy there will be chaos in the family.

RESPECT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR A HUSBAND. If he feels that respect is being given to him by his wife and children, he feels good about himself and has high self esteem. When the husband feels this way, for sure he will always be joyful and wanting to be with his family all the time.

Picture a husband whose ideas and advice are being overshadowed by his wife, do you think he will everspeak again about his concerns for the family. I heard of a wife who doesn’t consult his husband on anything because she said ” my husband doesn’t care about our family anymore, he left all the decision making to me. All he does is to have a good time/drinking sessions with his friends and would always arrived home late and drunk.”

When asked her husband about it. He said, ” the reason I don’t involve myself with my family’s affairs is because my wife doesn’t respect my decisions and ideas. When I am with my friends, I feel I am superman, because they listen to what I am saying. They believe in me. “

When the HUSBAND feels that he is being denied of the respect he needs, his reaction would be to WITHDRAW from his wife and children and find that reverence from somewhere else like friends or other woman.

Some wife would say, how can i submit to my husband when I feel I am smarter that he is. True, it’s very difficult to submit to another person’s authority, but if we are truly a woman whose heart is after God’s words, WE HAVE TO SUBMIT. As what has been written above re: the role of a wife – God commanded us to submit to our husband, it is not an advice it is a COMMAND from God.

Yes, easier said than done. Submit. i too had to struggle with this command. But slowly but surely, as I began submitting to my husband, I regain my husband’s joyful disposition. He now actively participates in our family’s day to day issues. Before, he just shrugged off his shoulders and left the house when something goes wrong. Perhaps, afraid to voice out his opinion for fear of being resented or ridiculed of his opinion.

Husbands have a very high regard about themselves. If, the wife is unable to give this one thing to her husband, the marriage is doomed to fail.

If the wife is able to give RESPECT to her husband, then the husband would be able to return this favor by loving and protecting his wife. The wife would now begin to feel the love and affection the husband is so willing to give his wife because of the joy and self esteem he now feels about himself. Respect should be given to the husband whether he is around or not.

This is the cycle > RESPECT for the husband will result in LOVE and Care for the wife, because of the love and care that the wife feels, she will in turn submit to him lovingly > and submission will result to RESPECT for the husband> and when the husbands feels the respect, he will love and care for his wife, and so on and on…. Whether you like it or not THAT IS THE CYCLE.

As what I have been writing in my previous posts for a successful marriage : SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU ARE RIGHT, SAY SORRY WHEN YOU ARE WRONG.

Moreover, don’t neglect your physical appearance. Try to stay attractive as much as possible. Don’t deny your husband sex if he feels like doing it. If you are not feeling good about it, tell him in a nice way. I heard of a Christian wife that whenever his husband would tell her ” honey , please a take bath” she knows that her husband likes to have sex with her. As a submissive wife she will tell her husband to give her 30 minutes. While taking a bath she would pray to God to give her the desire for it.

Lastly, continue to pray for your husband everyday and that you will not waver in loving, understanding and submitting to your husband. God is not interested on who NEEDS TO CHANGE FIRST, whether its the wife or the husband. God is concern on WHO IS WILLING TO CHANGE.

Advice About Husbands

Husbands are the head of the family, the leader and the provider:

Let’s read what the bible says about the role of the husband: Eph 5:25 Husbands love your wives, just as Christ Loved the Church, and gave himself up for her. V31. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother to be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

1. Husbands, love your wife.

If you love your wife, you wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings. Women are emotional. Most of the time their reaction is based on feelings. When they are hurt, it would take long to heal or she would need more love and attentions from you in order for her to forgive you. So be careful about what you say and do.

If you have done really sometime wrong. Only saying sorry and not doing anything to show your regrets is nothing. Your wife would realize how much repentant you are if you do the extra mile, like for example, go home early more frequently, buy her some flowers, cook for her, be more thoughtful and caring, etc. At least do some actions not in words only.

2. Husbands with working wife.

Be thankful that your wife is helping you out bring home the bacon. My advice would be to help your wife do household chores. Wives do get tired like you do. So when there is no helper at home, when the wife is cooking husband should clean the house or when the wife is washing the clothes husband should iron them. Get what I mean.

Never look at your wife as your mother. Your mother may have pampered you so much by giving you everything you ask, handed everything you need to get like a glass of water, bath towel, your shoes etc. Please respect your wife, she’s not a sevant.

3. Husband with a wife of a servant attitude

There are wives who really like to serve their husbands like kings. If your wife is one with a servant attitude, please don’t abuse her by treating her like one.

Do not abuse your wife by asking her for a glass of water, when you yourself can do it. When your wife sees that you don’t take advantage of her, she will serve you even more.

When you see that the house is so clean, as a gesture of your love for your wife, please don’t mess-up your house. Try your best to maintain the cleanliness.

When you see your house so clean and everything in order, give your wife a pat on the shoulder by hug and kisses and encouraging words. Tell your children to help out in keeping the house clean, so that mommy would not be so tired cleaning the house all over again. The wife would feel so blessed when you do this. At least, if you are not the type who likes cleaning the house, at least help maintain its cleanliness.

When you don’t have a helper, avoid changing clothes as frequent as possible. You may use a Tshirt/shorts twice in going to the supermarket. Or you use the bath towel for a week, just hang them in an open space every after use. Stuff like that to make life easier for your wife.

4. Husband with a non-working wife.

Husbands, please realize that most of the time, a wife who is not working sometimes feels low about themselves. Please don’t make actions/comments that would aggravate the wives belief about themselves.

Be home immediately after work, your wife must be longing for your presence. Realize that she maybe bored to death at home after a days work. She needs somebody who’s sensible enough to talk to. She knows that you are also tired from work but make an effort to have a good conversation with your wife after you have eaten and relaxed. Don’t watch the TV all night long and then sleep.

Ask your wife what she’s doing the whole day, about the children etc. Give accounts of what happened in your office. Share to your wife all the good things that transpired in the office to brighten up her day.

5. SHARING OF PROBLEMS

Sharing low moments between the husband and wife is healthy, but I suggest you do it in the privacy of your bedroom. I would suggest to both the husband and wife to limit the sharing of problems to the most important topics only. Problems that really need attention like for example , husband is worried that the company will be closing down. Wife is concern about the health of a son.

Avoid sharing the small little things like, ” officemate is taking me for granted or spreading rumors, or the secretary doesn’t like to talk to me etc etc”. While the wife should refrain from sharing like ” the whole day, i feel like i am a servant, am doing this and that, so tired etc etc”.

If everyday, you will be sharing all the complaints in the world, what will happen with your bonding moments. CONCERNS AND COMPLAINTS ARE DIFFERENT. Remember that.

If we love our spouse, we should try our best to limit their problems. We shouldn’t overburden them. If we truly care for them, we want them to be happy and worry free. There are problems that we can’t do nothing about, it’s not within our area of responsibilities, so why bother talking about them. There’s nothing your wife can do if your officemates have bad manners. Telling this everyday to your wife will only burden her. Same with the wife. Try to limit your conversations to nice things that would uplift each others spirit as much as possible.

Perhaps there are problems that only needs some adjustments in our personality like, don’t be so sensitive with the negative behavious of others, that we should only learn to manipulate our feelings by being positive etc. As I’ve said in my other topic on “finding your partner for life” – that we should find a partner that is a positive and joyful person to avoid making your marriage life a depressing one.

Still we need to always be open to one another if problems seem to exit.

6. Huband’s night out.

We understand the husbands need for a boys’ night out. The couple should have discussed about this before the wedding. Whatever had been agreed upon before, there should not be any problem. I know of a married couple – they agreed that, every friday night the husband and the wife will have each own night out with their friends. Saturday night, it’s their time together to go out. Sunday after church is the family’s bonding time.

7. Budget

Help your wife stick to the budget. If before you are used to eating large portion of the main course, you must adjust. So that everyone in the family would have their portion and wife wouldn’t need to cook more. If before you’re fond of buying signature clothes, no more this time. Avoid eating out frequently.

8. If the budget would permit, take your wife to a nice place say once a week or month. You two need to take a break once in a while. You deserve it. Don’t be so stingy with one another.

9. Please don’t ever ever forget your wife’s birthday and your wedding anniversary. These dates are so important to a wife.

10. Make it a habit to consult your wife for major decisions. This will make her feel important. But the final decision is yours. If you have a Godly wife, she will understand it.

11. If the wife is not in the mood for sex, PLEASE DON’T INSIST. Woman are not machine that can be turn on/off anytime. They need to be caressed and set to the mood. I heard of a man in a talk show, he said that if he wants to have sex with his wife, as early as breakfast time he already sets the moods of his wife by giving her naughty smile, winking at her, making hand signs etc. to the delight of his wife. So when night time falls his wife is already in the mood.

12. LASTLY, DON’T FORGET TO BE A GENTLEMAN. WHAT A JOY FOR A WOMAN TO BE TREATED AS A LADY LIKE OPENING THE DOOR, PULLING A CHAIR, HELP CARRY A LOAD ETC., EVEN WHEN YOU’RE ALREADY MARRIED.

SHOW YOUR CHILDREN HOW YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE. THIS WOULD BE THE BEST LEGACY YOU WILL GIVE YOUR CHILDREN, THAT IS, LOVING THEIR MOTHER.

When your son gets married and does the same way to his wife. I tell you , your daughter in law and her parents will say to you ” how good a husband you must be because your son is such a good husband”! rather than telling your son ” maybe your father or parents did not teach you good manners”

By showing your kids a good example of a good husband, early on you are already teaching your son what he should do to be a good husband and how he should treat his future wife. While your daughters, by the example you make, will teach her what are the qualities of a good husband she should have or look for. By not saying a word just actions, children are taught on the knowledge of what is a good husband.

Again as what I’ve said for new wed couples : SAY SORRY IF IT’S YOUR FAULT AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU ‘RE RIGHT.

AT THE END OF YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU FACE YOUR CREATOR, GOD WILL ASK YOU ” WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR WIFE?”

As what have been told in the bible after Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit in Genesis 3: 9 ” But the Lord called to the man. ” Where are you?”. God questioned Adam not Eve. God put the man in charge of the family, he is accountable to God for his actions including that of his family members.

Advice About Raising Kids Part III

Child is about 11-16

During this time, the kid should have been trained about doing things right.  The next step is to teach the child to practice decision making.  

These years are critical because the child is confuse whether they are still a child or an adolescent already.  They don’t  know how and what to act and what to choose. 

To begin with:  try the following

1.  By this time your child would be choosy on what to wear/ haircut/shoes.  Just allow them. 

Observe how they make their picks.  Their choices could be weird, but don’t object yet.  It may just be the fad.  Allow them to express themselves, except of course  if the choices becomes too glaring and really out of this world.  Talk to them gently and  explain why you object. 

2. During this time, your child’s needs and wants would be different.  If before, you have strict control over them in everything, now, you need to loosen up a little bit.  You may now allow them to go to parties unchaperoned, of course with curfew still. Go out with their friends, whom you approve of course. 

I remember my sons were so close to me not to their father until they were 10 years old.  But when they reached age 11, they begin to be close to their father because they felt their  father was more understanding to their needs and  had been giving them a little bit of independence.   They soon would ask permissions from their father and not from me anymore.  Before, my son would ask me to comb their hair. Now it’s a no no to touch their hair.

 What I’m trying to say is, we must adjust to the needs of our kids as they grow older. We cannot impose the same  parental style from start to end.

3. As long as your kids are not doing anything wrong, not sinning against God, not neglecting their studies,  respectful to their parents  and other people, it’s ok.  You must accept the fact that your kids are growing up.

At this time, little by little, we must allow our kids to learn decision making. Simple decision like hair cut, clothes to buy, shoes, study habits and buying other personal things.   Even if they don’t conform to our taste, let’s support their decision.   Example, your son bought a T-shirt you don’t quite agree and your son was so proud showing it to you.  PLease don’t brush aside his joy and satisfaction.  Share your son’s happiness by saying ” son, you made a good decision, good job”.   

Our children’s confidence are build-up when we the parents always support whatever decision they make. No ifs and buts.   ” Yes,  child what a good decision”.   I know not everyone who reads this will agree.   As what i have been saying, as long as they are not sinning against God.

I remember my son had a haircut when he was 14, that I was somewhat not comfortable,  but when I saw how  happy he was with his decision, I didn’t have the heart to disagree.   I responded  as happy as he was. After  two months, my son finally came to his senses, suddenly he changed his hairstyle for the better.  And I asked him why the sudden change, his reply was “  Mom, I realized the style doen’t suit me.  And then I told him, ” yah! you made a good decision again, this style is much more better” .  

Get what I mean?  let us allow our kids to decide for themselves, to learn from their mistakes and correct it themselves. As long as their decision is not about doing IMMORAL THINGS.    Based on experience,  lessons learned from our own doing is harder to forget.   Let them feel the satisfaction and fullfilment of discovering the right decision for themselves.  Let’s not steal the thunder from our children, our time has passed, it is now their time to shine.

Such build-up of confidence will lead them to develop decision making skills. If they have  already the skills/confidence,  they won’t shy away from accepting bigger responsibilites.

When they become adults and join the corporate or business world, they are now ready and equip with the essentials of a good leader or manager.  We must prepare them for the challenges of the world as we cannot be here with them forever.

4.  Continuous guidance is a must.  You must be always on the look out, but never invasive of their privacy.  If you feel that there’s a need to talk about something,  tell your child in secret  like “  son,  I feel that you are having a difficult time with your friend so and so, do you want to talk about it?”  Ask your child if he/she wants to discuss something with you.  Just tell them that you’re always there for them, if they need help they can just approach  you.

5. If we are imposing respect from our children, we must also give them the proper respect that they deserve.  By now, we must be a supportive parent  instead of a bossy one.  We must now allow them to find their niche, their strength and weaknesses. 

6. Let’s support our children what they want to be when they go to college.  Let’s discover their passion where they would excel and find fulfillment.  Let’s help them reach their full potential even if what they want is the least of our options.  If their chosen field is not suitable to their personality, we may discuss it with them or if still they insist we must help them develop the strength they need to help them achieve their dreams.  

7. Always give your children rules to follow.  Rules suitable to their age.  Without rules everything will be in chaos.   Discuss about rules on parties, curfew and friends.  It”s a no no for my sons to smoke and drink.  I just don’t know about you.

8.  Lastly, encourge and support your children to join extra-curricular activities in school, church and community.  They need to interact with all sectors of the society.  They need to know how other people are living -the poor and the rich.  Through these exposures,  they would realize the blessings that they have, learn compassion and help those with less in life,  and aspire to improve more. 

TEACH  YOU CHILDREN THE FEAR OF GOD AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FOLLOW.

Advice About Raising Kids Part II

Child is about 4-10 years old.

It is always best to train a child while still young. Reason ? because they are still receptive, we have the power and we can still control them. Always make the training process an enjoyable one. It should not be burdensome to our kids. Or else they won’t be able to do it the way we want them to be. Be a joyful teacher. Inspire them.

By this time, we must be patient and repetitious with our actions if we want to train our child in the best way we can. Example, we can now teach our child to fix his/her beddings. First, we could see that it’s not done nicely. Be patient, everyday teach the child the proper way, until such time that the child was able to perfect them. Don’t shout or scold or curse your child if they cannot get it the first time or until the 5th time. What is important is that they are trying their best and that they are following our instructions. Everyday that you see a progress, praise your child or reward him/her. But don’t give up, not until they have done it perfectly well.

Such training could help the child learn the value of patience, persistence and work that is excellently done, not only for themselves but also for others.

Same thing with the way your child develops his/her study habits. You really need to watch your child physically when training them on correct study habits. There’s no short cuts for this. I remember I was really physically present at my children’s side while they are doing their homework. This took around months before they were able to get used to their study habits. And I am very happy to say that it paid off.

When my children were already 8 yrs old, they were already on their own. No more tutoring or telling them- study time. They just do it automatically. They turn off the tv and headed to their study table.

Make every effort to spend lunch and or dinner together as a family. This is the best bonding time of the family. Ask your kids about what happened in school. Praise them if they did good. Give advice thru example if they did something not good. It should not be the time for giving sermons etc. Enjoy the food and the presence of everybody.

I heard of a Christian family,  they have no TV anywhere near the dining table, so that there will be no distraction during this time.  Even if the phone rings,  no one  will stand to answer it.

Also, it is a must to involve your children to any kind of sports that they love. Healthy body means healthy mind.

LESSON: BE PATIENT, PERSISTENT AND REPETITIOUS. SOMETIMES BECAUSE OF OUR BEING SO PERSISTENT THEY GET TIRED OF HEARING US AND WOULD SAY ” ALRIGHT I WILL DO IT FROM NOW ON. I JUST DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD ABOUT IT EVERYDAY” –maybe you’re asking me why I know the trick? because it was how my mother did it to us her children and it works !!!

Everynight before going to bed, I make sure that we pray together and that my kids would hear me say prayers for each one of them and I know that whatever nasty things they may have in their minds because of my being so pushy on them will all be gone because they would realize just how much i love them.

Advice About Raising Kids Part I

There’s a saying in the bible : Proverbs 22:6  Train a child in the ways he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Training a child thru wisdon, values and discipline will be more effective if you and your husband share the same principles.   My discussions below would be based on the assumption that the parents have the same guiding principles.

For newly born babies until 3 years old.

1.  Always have a ready smile to your baby.  A loud laugh would be better.  It’s good that they hear your approval thru laughter.

2. If your baby is trying to look smart or trying to impress you, always give your approval thru laughter, hug and kisses. BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR APPROVAL AND PRAISES.   Tell your child — how smart, beautiful, handsome, kind , good child, etc etc etc  they are.     Such actions would build the baby’s self confidence.

DON’T LABEL YOUR CHILD AS SHY, INTROVERT, LAZY, etc   in introducing them to other people or even telling it to your child.   Your child may think he/she really is and end up just like what you’ve said.

3. If the baby is about 2 years old,  he/she can now be told about good and bad.  If he/she had done something wrong, you can gently slap his/her hand and motion a serious face and tell the child what’s  wrong.  If the child cries,  hug the child and tell him/her that you love them still, and that they shouldn’t do it again.  Always assure the child about your love for them.

4.  At 1/12 -2 years old, the baby can now be told to fix his things little by little.  For exampe – after playing with his toys, teach them to return them properly in the box or shelf.

5. When you talk to your baby, always have an eye contact.  So that they will be used to it and not shy away whenever somebody talks to them.   When doing anything like reading a newspaper, put it down and talk to your child eye to eye.  Always give time to your child when they want to talk to you, even if how busy you are. Allow them to finish what they are trying to say, don’t interrupt them.

6. Children are very curious during this time 1-3 y.o.,  have the patience to explain to them every quesion asked, if you want them to be smart. 

7. Don’t baby talk to them.  Talk to them as if they are adults.

8.  Start introducing them to eat vegetables and healthy food.

9.  Don’t let them be addictive to TV and computer games.   There should be limited time only.

10. Start to bring them to birthday parties or public places where they could interact with other children like McDonalds play sections.  Teach them how to share toys and food.  Teach them how to say sorry when needed.  Teach them how to introduce themselves to their new playmates. This way, they would learn to be confident and how to deal with other children and therefore  promote their emotional intelligence. 

12.  Start teaching them the value of hard work and patience.  Before giving them anything they want, they must learn how to earn it.  For example, the child shoud put the toys in order after playing with them or put his/her dirty clothes in the proper places.  Do his/her coloring or reading first.  Or the baby must be able to finish eating his veggies.

13. When going to Malls toy sections, brief the child that you have only so much money and that you cannot  afford something not within the budget.

 14. Start teaching the value of respect for elders,  other children, parents and even to their baby sitter.

15.  At 2-3 y.o.  if the baby doesn’t have any allergy, you may teach them the value of caring for life and others  through  animals.  You may want to give them say,  little birds or fish to take care of.  In this way, they would know how to value life by loving, caring and feeding  others.   

16.  At the very young age… NEVER NEVER NEVER scold, embarrass or insult your kid in front of other people.   The child may at early age loose his/her self esteem.  Reprimand your child behind close doors. If you need to discipline your child, use a slipper or comb and slap the kid on the buttocks not in any part of the body.  Afterwards,  talk to you kid and explain to him/her that you did it because you love them.  That you don’t want them to be a bad person.  Then embrace your kid.

Never use your hand when you punish your child.  Hand is use for touching, caring and hugging. I remember my son when he did something wrong, he took the comb and hid it somewhere so that i may not slap him.  My son was angry with the comb not with my hand.

In contrast, I remember when I was a child, I remember my mother slapping me using her hand, that’s why most of the time, I back off everytime my mother would reach out her hand to me.  I thought she was going to hit me with her hand.   Maybe the reason why until now,  we don’t touch each other.

17.  PRAISE your kids before people so that they will have a healthy self respect.

18.  MOST OF ALL TEACH THEM ABOUT THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE POWER OF PRAYERS.

 

Advice for Daughters/Sons in Law

 

There is a saying that when your daughter gets married you gain a son.  But, if your son gets married you lose a son.  This is quite true because most of the time, women are more emotional and family oriented than men.  More likely, the wife would love to visit or be with her family rather than the family of her husband.  Men are not.   Most often,  husbands are just going with the flow with what the wife is saying or planning to do.  Man are more pre-occupied with their work, thus, neglecting about their duties to his own family.

Advice for daughters/sons – in-law.

 1. It’s good to plan visits to your own family, but, your husband would appreciate you more if you also plan for his family.

2. Most husbands are not good at remembering dates like birthdays, anniversary etc.  Inlclude in your list the birthdays and other important dates  of your husband’s family. 

3. Call or visit (more appropriate) your parents in law /sisters and brother in laws on their birthdays/Christmas/wedding anniversary etc. and other important occassions.    As much as possible don’t text or send email greetings.  Visit and call /text /email would be great.

4.  When you visit your in laws, try your best to mingle with them.  Talk, interact or help in whatever capacity you can, so that they can feel that you are really a part of the family now.  Don’t act as if you are a guess or VIP in the house that needs to be served and entertained.  

5.  If you hear some not so good comments from your in laws, try not to pay attention to it, as if you don’t hear them at all.  But if it is something below the belt so to speak, you talk it over to your spouse.   Don’t deal with them directly.  Your spouse should be the one to talk to his/her own family, to avoid unnecessary confrontations.

Or maybe try to reflect with what they have said about you, maybe they are right and you just don’t realize it.  You can change for the better.

As what I’ve said on my other topic about finding your parntner in life.  If you have followed my advice about your partner, I don’t think you would have an overwhelming problems with your spouse’  family.  Perhaps, I am  80% sure that whatever misunderstanding you may have with your in-laws  will just be insignificant.  

6.  The greatest gift you can give your spouse is to treat your in laws with LOVE and RESPECT. Treat them like your own parents/family.   In case it can’t be avoided that you parents in law would give unsolicited advice to you,  just take them constructively.  Just think them as a sign of love and concern for you and believe me,  you will feel no resentment at all.  

MISUNDERSTANDING AMONG IN-LAWS ARE INEVITALBE like all  other relationships, e.g. boss-subordinate, among friends, husband-wife, parents-children, etc. but we are able to forgive them, how come we can’t do the same with our in-laws?.  PRAY A LOT FOR GOD TO GIVE MORE UNDERSTANDING AND WISDOM IN DEALING WITH YOUR IN-LAWS.

Advice About Pregnancy

1. When you find out that you are delayed already, go to your OB asap. Ask your OB about dos and dont’s especially for foods and medicines to take. Avoid going to public places, you might catch viruses.

2. Your OB should have requested you to undergo the necessary blood test. You may never know whether you are diabetic or anemic or has active thyroid etc. Such concerns maybe fatal to your baby’s wellness, and that proper medications would be given for your safety and that of the baby.

3 Every three months you must visit your OB.

4. Always be positive. Stay joyful. Don’t dwell too much on problems , fears and worries. PRAY A LOT THAT GOD WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU AND THE BABY.

5. If you have children already, involve them in you pregnancy especially the youngest. Example, ask your child to talk, hold, feel and kiss you tummy more often. Tell your child that once upon time she/he was also inside your tummy. Tell them that once the baby is out, that they must love and take care of the baby. In this way, no resentment or jealousy will overwhelm them.

6. I would advise the husband to NEVER GIVE THEIR EXPECTANT WIFE any problem that will make her feel sad, angry or worried. Husband should always make their pregnant wife stress free. Pregnant wife is undergoing a lot of changes and discomforts in her body and husband should try his best to make his wife as comfortable as possible – mentally, emotionally and physically.

7. I read in some books that unborn child can already hear sounds/music. So I would advise the couple to once in while try to relax by hearing soothing melody for the baby’s well being. Or talk often to your tummy and tell the baby how much you love and excited to see him/her.

8. Perhaps the mother should watch her diet. This is to avoid being so bloated after the pregnancy and that you won’t have a hard time going back to your usual form. Moreso, delivery of the baby will be a lot easier and faster.

9. After the delivery, try your best to be happy and busy. Even before your delivery date, condition your mind of what will happen to you. This is to prevent your mind from feeling so low and depress.

I remember after my second baby was born. I experienced a post delivery depression. I felt I was going to lose my mind. I was so lonely. I felt my body was so exploited. I don’t know why I felt that way. Maybe because, my body was so distorded. My breast is so big and full of milk. I look so awfull with every dress i wear.

10. You can start buying things for the baby on the 7th month.

11. LASTLY, enjoy your motherhood. CHILDREN are blessings from God. NOT all women are given this  wonderful privilege of being a mother.

Advice About Finding a Baby Sitter /Yaya

If you ‘re a working mom.  Find a yaya/ babysitter that is :

1.  Physically healthy and has a good hygiene.  Have her submitted to the basic physical exam like xray and blood test.   Do it every year.

2. At least high school graduate.  Who can speak at least a little bit of English.  Who can at least help the kids do some projects while you’re at the office.

3. Fond of children and has a lot of patience dealing with them.   Has a good sense of humor and good habits.

Before you hire her, you must tell her everything that you expect her to do so that there won’t be any objection along the way. 

Tell her that it’s a NO NO to shout or hurt or course or resent your kids.  If your kids need  any dicipline, she must tell it to you or your husband.  The parents should be the one to take actions or give punishments when needed.   

Lastly,  PRAY THAT GOD WOULD GIVE YOU A GODLY BABY SITTER. 

 

      

 

Advice About Mother In Law

Based on my own experiences with my mother and in-laws, I will do the following when it’s time for me to be a mother in law.

1. Before the wedding of my son, I will talk to him in private and tell him his reponsibilities as a husband and father.  Same with my daughter in law, will tell her all the responsibilities of a wife and mother.  This will be the last time i will be giving them unsolicited advice.  Unless, they ask me.

2.  I will always support them of any decision they will make and never give my opinion unless, they ask me.  

3.  In case they want to know my opinion, then that’s the only time I will voice out my view, but,  I will not take it against them  if they won’t follow my advice.  They are still the one who should make the final decision.

I remember the story I read about a mother with 3  married daughters.  She narrated her experiences for each one of them on how each of her daughter  bathed their newly born baby.  First daughter,  she bathed her baby in a bath tub.  Second daughter, she bathed her baby in the sink.  Third daughter, she bathed her baby on the bed.  What she did was just to assist each daughter  in bathing their baby. 

Eventho’ she’s the mother and the experienced one, she NEVER OPENED HER MOUTH to instruct her daughter on what’s the proper way to bath the baby.  Her reason was that, none of her daughters ever asked her opinion.  The mother said that as long as what her daughters are doing are not bad for the baby it’s ok with her.    No need to insist her way or discuss about it.   

Most of the time, when we become adults, we don’t want to be told what to do or receive unsolicited advices.   So let’s always put that in mind.  We parents or in laws should not give opinions when not being asked.  Our children are smart and capable of finding solution to their problems.  

Let us give our children the satisfaction of resolving challenges on their own.   Based on my experience, I always felt fulfilled whenever  I was the one who was  able to think of the solutions rather than just tagging along with someone’s else idea.   We should allow them to learn from their mistakes rather than protect them from committing one.  Allowing them would increase their self confidence.   

4. Whenever I will be going to their house, i will have to call them first.  I will never go to their house unannounce, except for emergency cases.  It’s better that they see me not so often, so that they would crave for my presence.   I remember my sisters/mother in laws would beg us to stay for another day or two in their house because it’s seldom that we do overnight in their house.  I just don’t want to worn out my welcome privileges.   

Whenever I will visit my married children’s house,  I will never make unpleasant remarks like ” how dirty is your house etc. etc. “  And when my daughter or son in-law says  to me “  oh mommy, am sorry our house is a mess” ,  I would tell them ” oh don’t worry, I came here to see you not your house”.

Always  be cordial to one another.

5. If I have the means, i would always invite them to my house for a dinner/lunch  or have an out of town vacation or take them out in a restaurant at my own expense.   Well, they could share in the expenses if they want to.  In this way, they would always desire and be excited with my invitations.  

6. I  will never ask for so many details from them, they should be the one to  open up to me.  I remember we had a weekend overnight at my mother in law’s house.  My husband and I had a birthday party to attend that night,  we just told my mother in law that we will be attending a birthday party and her reply was just  “  will  you still eat for dinner before you leave? “.  No question asked like who, where,  until what time etc.

Same incident with my own mother.   But my mother would ask so many questions like who, where, what etc.  and then will sometime insists that we should not go since it’s late already.   Sometimes very irritating.  Parents and in-laws should by now treat your married children as responsible adult.  Just tell them ”be careful”.    

7. If I feel they have a relationship problem,  I will never intervene.  Perhaps the reason they don’t want to tell me is that they want to resolve the problem between themselves.      

PARENTS AND IN-LAWS REMEMBER:  IT IS OUR GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR CHILDREN AND THEIR SPOUSE THAT WOULD DICTATE OUR GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR GRANDCHILDREN.  IF WE DON’T HAVE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE PARENTS OF OUR GRANDCHILDREN FOR SURE  OUR TIES WITH THE LATTER WOULD LIKEWISE BE BROKEN.

Advice to Newly Wed Couple

My assumption for this topic is that the newly married couples are living on their own. Not living with either of the in-laws. This is in line with God’s word in Genesis 2:24 ” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

As much as possible if the budget would permit, I would advice the newly wed couples – don’t live with your parents. Better to rent than have misunderstanding with in-laws. Living with in-laws would somehow create some frictions. Bad experiences will always be there in everybody’s mind. It’s better that you see them once in a while, because when you meet, you will only have good stories to tell to each other. When you see them rarely, they crave for your presence and everybody is nice to everyone.

I would suggest that if the couples are still young – to plan of having a baby after two years. I would advise you to enjoy each others company first. Continue dating, eating out and going on vacations. Get a lot of private moments together as much as possible. These years are critical because you are in the process of discovering each other’s strength and weaknesses. Time of adjusting and accepting the hidden traits you two have.

If you would be having a baby during this time, it will add up to the strain of getting to know each other or the discovery period. Imagine after two months, and the wife is already anticipating, expect that her husband would have a hard time dealing with her swing moods. And when the baby comes out, both the husband and wife will be so stressed out taking care of the baby, and arguments are bound to happen.

Perhaps after two years, you would have probably accepted each others individuality. You could now enjoy taking care of the baby without any distractions from each others failing.

Discovery Period

During this time, when you begin to see the real husband you married, don’t despair. Unless, he is a sadist, or the exteme. Be ready to accept your partner and try to understand his/her situation. Remember that you two came from two different family backgrounds and raised up differently. Even among siblings, who came from same set of parents, same environment and raise the same way.. you would notice most of the time they don’t see eye to eye. What more with somebody you just met.

For petty quarrels, don’t involve your parents.  Try to resolve them between the two of you.  Your individual parents love you so much and it’s always their instinct to side with you right away without knowing the reasons. 

If you really can’t accept your partner’s limitations, talk to him/her or try get help thru counseling.  The best way is to talk the parents of your spouse. 

Let’s begin what the word of God says about the role of the wife:

As quoted in the bible: Ehpesians 5:22-24. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

When I got married, I NEVER knew this principle. Like what i’ve said in my earlier topics, my mother seems to be the head of our family. She never submitted to my father’s authority. She has a very strong personality.

Perhaps, I thought nothing was wrong about it. When I got married, unconciously I acted like my mother. And I knew this was the reason why my husband and I quarreled a lot. I wish somebody had given us advice on how to be a Godly wife and or husband or told us to attend seminars on married life. I’ve never been exposed as to how other couples are living their lives. I learned submission the hard way.

God is smart to give above principle. He knew that without order and hierarchy, any organization will collapse. In the family, the husband is the leader and that wife should submit to him. There are a lot of good books about Godly wife/husband. I would suggest you to read “THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE” and ” THE POWER OF A PRAYING HUSBAND” by Stormie Omartian.

THE BEST ADVICE I COULD GIVE TO THE COUPLE :

SAY SORRY WHEN IT’S YOUR FAULT  AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU’RE RIGHT !!!!